About the Book
I took my watch off and placed it on the bedside table. I kissed my sleeping daughter. Then I lay back and waited to die.
I survived. And then, months later, I tried again.
This is the true story of how a man who spent seventy percent of his life in sadness found his way back from the very edge — not once, but twice.
From a broken childhood spent in and out of foster care, to a violent stepfather who shattered my jaw at nine years old, to clawing my way to the top of the corporate world with no support and no guidance — I learned early how to survive. But survival is not the same as living. Years later, haunted by what I had seen working security contracts on a US military base in Kuwait, addicted to painkillers, caring for dying in-laws while my own mind collapsed, I fell into a darkness I did not believe I would ever escape.
Two Suicide Attempts and Finding a Purpose is my honest, unflinching account of hitting rock bottom — the hospital wards, the locked mental health units, the single bed in a small room where I searched my memory for a single happy thought and almost found none. But it is also the story of what brought me back: my daughter, who needed her dad. And one small, powerful idea — that recovery does not begin with a miracle. It begins with a single goal, ticked off, one day at a time.
This book is for anyone living in that lonely place right now. For the person performing happiness while breaking apart inside. For the families who love someone they’re terrified of losing. I am not a doctor. I am not a therapist. I am simply someone who went through Hell, more than once, and came out the other side — rebuilt, like an upgrade. The 2.0 version of myself: bigger, better, stronger.
If you are reading this in the dark, please know: you are not finished. This is your rebuilding phase. And if I can come back from where I was, so can you.
A true story of survival, depression, and finding a reason to stay.
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